Adoption Counselling
If you would like to discuss Adoption Counselling then please contact Deanna on 07958 666480
Adoption Counselling : Covers the triangle process of the birth parents and family, the adoptive parents and the adoptee.
In 2009 I undertook a long course covering all aspects of Adoption, and all the issues arising. Organised by Abbeygate Counselling and Training Services on behalf of Barnardos Adoption Services London East and South East.
The Adoptee
Regardless of the love given by adoptive parents, as the adopted child grows up he or she may gradually become aware of the fact that the persons they call “Mum” and “Dad” are not their birth parents. In some cases, such as mixed race adoptions or where there are obvious differences in physical features between parents, siblings and the adoptee, awareness is likely to come at a very early age. In most other instances the adoptive parents disclose the child’s history as soon as they feel he or she is able to understand.
When this information is disclosed and the adoptee finds out that they have been adopted, the information usually generates some emotional reaction and anguish. Whilst most are content to accept that they are part of a family that wants them, at the very least they are curious to know more about their origins. However this can also trigger the feeling of abandonment which may lead to uncooperative and anti-social behaviour.
In such circumstances counselling represents an effective means of helping the adoptee to manage anger, to recognise that no blame attaches to them for the situation in which they were born, to establish relationships with birth parents and siblings if they feel they are ready to cement relationships with their adoptive family.
The Adoptive Parents
Couples wishing to adopt a child are required to submit to extensive scrutiny of their personal lives by adoption agencies and the authority acting as legal guardians for the child.
Counselling is not intended to guide couples on their responses to the questions put to them. However, therapeutic support during the adoption process may be of considerable value as it will explore any inner anxieties they may have about bringing up an adopted child, about being judged or about the process itself and help them.
Despite the intensive vetting of the adoptive parents and the consideration given to matching them with the adoptee, tensions between them are bound to arise during the child’s upbringing. Even “normal” parent/child differences or sibling rivalries tend to become accentuated by the fact of adoption, more especially when the child’s history is made known (see “The Adoptee” below).
Counselling can be a very practical way of supporting adoptive parents through what can be a traumatic and draining period and where they are worried about the consequences of taking a particular course of action.
Birth Parents and Family
The most common reason for adoption is because they are not in a financial position to offer proper care for the child but other reasons include a lack of parenting skills, perhaps in a very young mother not supported by parents or a carer, poor physical or mental health of one or both of the parents or, sadly, the poor physical or mental health of the child itself. Irrespective of the circumstances, parents handing their child over to a legal guardian pending adoption are likely to feel many of the symptoms of bereavement, in particular anger, loss, anxiousness over their child’s future and guilt and many are also likely to experience low self esteem and a lack of confidence in their social relationships.
Non-judgmental counselling prior to and following the completion of the adoption process may help parents come to terms with the circumstances that have brought about the need for the adoption and enable them to move their lives forward.
Adoptive Counselling Services are right
for you if …
- To explore the adoption story, from the beginning, and the middle phases of their life together, and the family dynamics and relationships.
- They might wish to seek help to mend/restore/communicate their fear/anxieties.
- How the adoption has impacted on the extended family, especially other siblings.
- An inability to understand about the different phases of growth of their children such as: Early childhood, and teen age year’s adolescence.
- Their own marital issues, and or disaccord
- Changes occurring as for example on the extended family support, in the case of family bereavement.
All Adoption Counselling sessions are confidential and this will apply to any records which are kept in accordance with the Data Protection Act (Registration ICO No. Z3074748)